


Irrationality

by NozomiPower



Series: Musicals Killed Me [4]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 02:43:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13067442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NozomiPower/pseuds/NozomiPower
Summary: Jared is irrational and stupid.





	Irrationality

**Author's Note:**

> I love angst.

Jared knew he was being irrational and dumb.

 

That's all he ever was.

 

He knew he was being stupid.

 

But, goddamn, it hurt.

 

It hurt.

* * *

 

Jared stood with his phone in his hand, hands set to type. But, he wouldn't dare. He saw that Evan started typing, saying something about Connor being not okay, and Alana texted him the same thing about Zoe.

 

God, how could he be so _selfish_? Sure, Connor and Evan sort of blew him off, leaving him standing in front of a movie theater at 10 at night, but he was being selfish. How in the world did he think it was ok for him to have feelings? Connor and Zoe were hurting, so Alana and Evan had to help.

 

_JJStyle:hey it's chill_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:i'm sorry that we couldn't make it_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:just, Connor is hurting, ya'know?_

 

He didn't know. But, Connor mattered to Evan, and Jared cared about Evan. So he had to care about Connor and care about Evan caring about Connor even though it was hard.

* * *

 

Jared found himself crying on his bed after watching the news.

 

In Sherwood, Ohio, Jason Dean's head was found with scorch marks and various bits of what they assumed to be his body scattered in the courtyard of his school. They said it was suicide.

 

Jared didn't wear black, but he never looked at House Plain Frozen Yogurt the same again. He didn't want to pretend to have been super close to J.D., even though he liked him.

 

Because that's all it was.

 

He liked him.

 

Not loved, or adored, or desired.

 

Just liked.

* * *

 

Jared was being irrational and dumb again.

 

Evan and Connor just stood him up, again, which left him at his house, with a large pepperoni pizza that was going cold, alone, at midnight.

 

Evan and Connor love pepperoni.

 

Jared is allergic to pepperoni.

* * *

 

Irrational and dumb.

 

That's all Jared was these days. He found out that everyone was in a separate chat called _couples_ and Jared wasn't apart of it.

 

Which, obvious as to why.

 

But there were things shared there that would never make it into the usual chat. Things Jared would never see.

 

Because they didn't want him to.

 

Jared knew he was being stupid and selfish and an asshole, but fuck, he kept getting blown off. He kept being left behind. He kept being comedic relief in tense times, kept being a burden, kept thinking he was worth anything, kept hoping and praying that someday somebody would notice he was tired.

 

Tired.

 

That's all he was.

* * *

 

Jared looked side to side, starting to question whether or not he actually wanted to do this.

 

Who was he kidding?

 

He was doing this.

 

Jared watched as the light he was facing turned red, meaning cars would come barreling down the road.

 

And that they did.

 

Jared stepped out.

* * *

 

Jared stared at his hands, surrounded by the faces of nurses, frantic nurses. His left leg was gone at the knee down, now a stump. His right arm was broken. His internal organs suffered bleeding. He was broken.

 

But alive.

 

Alive.

* * *

 

He was surrounded.

 

Evan, Connor, Alana and Zoe all sat around him. Alana stared at his leg, his new prosthetic one, Connor examined his casted arm, Zoe watched his hands, which moved back and forth on his wheelchair seat, and Evan watched his eyes. His eyes were downcast, avoiding.

 

They spoke words, but Jared didn't respond.

 

He just sat.

* * *

 

It had been a few weeks since he was being watched, and suddenly, Jared saw the most beautiful human he had ever seen.

 

Evan said it was Jace, his cousin.

 

Suddenly, Jared was ecstatic, excited. He saw this beautiful human, and then they looked at him, and blushed and smiled.

 

He smiled back.

* * *

 

Jared didn't know what he was doing.

 

One moment, he was just getting his books out of his locker.

 

The next, he was asking Jace on a date.

 

He said yes.

 

To Jared.

 

He said YES!

 

Even though Jared was the ugliest boy in school, Jace said yes.

* * *

 

Twenty official dates.

 

Many unofficial ones.

 

Jared made a move.

 

He kissed Jace.

 

Jace kissed back.

 

Jared popped a question.

 

Jace said yes.

 

Jared had a boyfriend.

* * *

 

_JJStyle:lmao guess what_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:did you get arrested_

_CynaCon:are you in the hospital_

_Becky:are you dying_

_Zyikes:are you about lose more leg_

_JJStyle:wow_

_JJStyle:ye of little faith_

_JJStyle:so like_

_JJStyle:ya'll know ya'lls couples chat_

_CynaCon:you weren't supposed to know about that_

_JJStyle:i know_

_Becky:are you angry_

_JJStyle:kinda, yeah_

_JJStyle:more saddened and feeling like shit_

_JJStyle:but anyways_

_JJStyle:the chat_

_JJStyle:delete it_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:um_

_Zyikes:no??????_

_Zyikes:for only couples_

_Zyikes:we'll delete it when you get a fuking date or whatever_

_Becky:sorry bud_

_Becky:we talk about love and emotions in there_

_CynaCon:wait_

_CynaCon:nO_

_CynaCon:YOU DIDN'T_

_CynaCon:jared_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:hello?_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:sorry if we upset you_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:but it's true_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:jared?_

_Becky:what in the fuck_

_Becky:what is he doing_

_Zyikes:guys the couples chat just disappeared_

_Zyikes:look_

_CynaCon:oh my god?????_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:jared_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:what did you do_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:i'm angry right now_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:Jared!_

_JJStyle:yeah, what_

_JJStyle:i removed the chat on my own since you wouldn't_

_JJStyle:had to take things into my own hands_

_JJStyle:woops_

_Becky:that was our chat for when we got sick of ur shit_

_Becky:wait_

_Becky:oh no_

_Becky:jared_

_Zyikes:oh my god_

_CynaCon:alana you just said the worst thing_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:jared wait a sec_

_JJStyle:chill_

_JJStyle:i get it_

_JJStyle:i'm fucking annoying_

_Becky:jared_

_Becky:i said something stupid and rude and wrong_

_JJStyle:no u didn't_

_JJStyle:i get tired of me too_

_CynaCon:jared_

_CynaCon:you don't have to feel like that_

_CynaCon:you shouldn't have too_

_JJStyle:anyways_

_JJStyle:the reason i wanted you to delete the couples chat is because of this_

_JJStyle:PRETTYBOIJACEANDUGLYBOIJARED.png_

_JJStyle:HEDOAKISSONCHEEK.png_

_JJStyle:MYBOI.png_

_JJStyle:lovelyboisings.mp4_

_Becky:oh_

_Becky:Oh!_

_Zyikes:wow_

_Zyikes:he's cute_

_JJStyle:hands off bitch or i'll fucking stab you_

_CynaCon:wow_

_CynaCon:aggressive and an asshole_

_CynaCon:you landed a sweet beaut_

_Acorn420GrazeIt: you're dating my cousin_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:My Cousin, Jace_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:what the fuck_

 

**_JJStyle has added MARIAtchi to → bee kinks galore_ **

**_JJStyle has added beefyonce to → bee kinks galore_ **

**_JJStyle has added toefungus to → bee kinks galore_ **

 

_beefyonce:i'm sorry what_

_MARIAtchi:my name means so much so if you ask you shall receive_

_toefungus:jared!!!!!_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:ahem_

_toefungus:not a verbal conversation, cousin evan_

_toefungus:can't clear ur throat_

_beefyonce:i'm so sorry_

_beefyonce:but what the fuck is a becky_

_Becky:my last name is beck_

_beefyonce:rfvufbevejknvALANA_

_Becky:????_

_beefyonce:evalynne from summer camp_

_Becky:OH FUCK_

_Zyikes:what_

_MARIAtchi:what_

_CynaCon:what_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:what_

_toeungus:what_

_JJStyle:long story, i was a witness_

_beefyonce:i'm still sorry_

_Becky:i don't for-fucking-give you_

_Zyikes:alana is never so not grammar what did you do_

_Becky:she ruined my life_

_beefyonce:i tore her yale application_

_beefyonce:and her recommendation letter_

_Becky:that's not what i'm most mad about!!_

_beefyonce:it's not?_

_Becky: three words:_

_Becky:Glue Gun Macaroni_

_beefyonce:jared why would you bring me here knowing damn well that i did this bullshit_

_JJStyle:just wanted to introduce my new bestfriends and my new BOYFRIEND_

_JJStyle:JACE SALAZAR-HANSEN IS MY BOYFRIEND AND HE'S VERY PRETTY_

_toefungus:JARED KLEINMAN EVERYONE HE'S VERY CUTE AND SWEET ANd how does he not have people lining up to date him I swear he's so good to me I just sjkjskkjkskskjksksj_

_JJStyle:i'm blushing_

_Becky:ew_

_CynaCon:are we like this_

_beefyonce:from the screenshots i was sent about half a second ago,_

_beefyonce:yes_

_MARIAtchi:lmao ya'll was gross and left jared out a bunch_

_MARIAtchi:ya'll had a whole chat that left him out which kinda made me yell but i'm cool now_

_JJStyle:i'm chill about that now_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:i'm so sorry about that_

_Zyikes:yeah_

_Zyikes:we were dumb and ugly_

_Zyikes:we were bigger assholes than Jared 'Family Friend' Kleinman_

_JJStyle:oop_

_toefungus:i'm really curious as what the fuck these names mean_

_MARIAtchi:well_

_toefungus:stop_

_toefungus:you go last_

_CynaCon:you know how it's cynabon?_

_toefungus:yus!_

_CynaCon:it used to be CynaCun_

_CynaCon:but jared said something about CynaCum and i changed it to this_

_Zyikes:we used to go to this place called Z-Strike before it closed down_

_Zyikes:so, nostalgia_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:Acorn is what jared called me, 420GrazeIt is my plant version of 420BlazeIt_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:I love my name i'm a meme on deviantart_

_beefyonce:i don't think that's good?????_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:well what the fuck does ur name mean, bitch_

_beefyonce:woah nellie_

_beefyonce:when the GGM Incident was over, Alana came up to me and pointed in my face and_

_beefyonce:lmao i'm giggling_

_beefyonce:she said, "listen, asshat."_

_beefyonce:btw we had codenames at camp, i was beyonce, alana was gaga_

_beefyonce:anyways_

_beefyonce:"listen, asshat. I have a problem with you now. I fucking hate you. Listen, bitch. We got beef, Yonce."_

_beefyonce:and then she punched me in my face_

_Becky:wow_

_Becky:cause my name is Alana Beck_

_Becky:Beck, Becky, Alana Becky with the good lies_

_JJStyle:my name is Jared_

_JJStyle:JJ from Yuri on Ice_

_JJStyle:i'm so sorry_

_toefungus:mine game from fanfiction dot net user something or another_

_toefungus:the writer of My Immortal_

_CynaCon:fuck you know her_

_toefungus:my older sister does_

_CynaCon:oh my god_

_MARIAtchi:can i go yet_

_toefungus:dear god_

_toefungus:yes_

_MARIAtchi:well, my name is Maria Tavison Rodriguez de la Rosa_

_MARIAtchi:it sounds like mariachi, and i played in a junior mariachi band_

_MARIAtchi:the last part is spelled like i spelled itachi when i was nine_

_MARIAtchi:i fucking loved Naruto_

_toefungus:that took less time that 'beefyonce'_

_beefyonce: @ me next time_

_toefungus: @beefyonce took more time than that_

_MARIAtchi:i'm not fucking done?_

_toefungus:oh fuck_

_MARIAtchi:my mom's name sounded like a mariachi when all the instruments were out of tune_

_MARIAtchi:my brother didn't know how to spell mariachi and spelled like this_

_MARIAthci:i spelled my name like this for a week to piss off my teachers;it was effective_

_MARIAtchi:oop g2g my dad made tamales_

_toefungus:jared_

_toefungus:jared i swear to the good lord_

_toefungus:oh aking diyos!_

_toefungus:jared snuck into my room and now i'm scared_

_JJStyle:fuck i'm sorry_

_toefungus:i forgive you_

_toefungus:kinda_

_Becky:i came back from eating a bowl of butter noodles and i see this_

_Becky: fuck was this how jared felt i'm so sorry_

_Zyikes:who has chat privileges_

_CynaCon:jared_

_toefungus:and me_

_JJStyle:and Connor_

_CynaCon:whEN THE FUCK_

_JJStyle:since we created this??????_

 

_Private Chat:_

 

_JJStyle:did I scare you that bad_

_toefungus:i started typing in my native language as well as speaking in it_

_toefungus:so yes_

_JJStyle:i'm sorry._

_JJStyle:how can i make it up to you?_

_toefungus:dunno_

_toefungus:what do YOU think you can do_

_JJStyle:i made a playlist_

_JJStyle:let's dance_

_toefungus:this is cute_

_toefungus:i forgive you_

_JJStyle: <3 _

_toefungus: <3<3<3<3<3 _

 

_bee kinks galore_

 

_toefungus:jared is the best boyfriend/person_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:NEVER_

_CynaCon:evan exists????_

_MARIAtchi:eva is my bae, what the fuck_

_beefyonce:maria is holy, she is the beefiest of yonces_

_MARIAtchi:i_

_MARIAtchi:i didn't come back from tamales for this?_

_Zyikes:Alana is beauty, Alana is grace, she carries around seven bottles of mace_

_Becky:Zoe has the ZoeGlow™ she's the best_

_JJStyle:tell them what i did_

_toefungus:so, jared scared me right?_

_CynaCon:yeeeeees_

_toefungus:he wanted to make it up to me_

_toefungus:he chromecasted to my tv_

_toefungus:spotify_

_toefungus: goes, and i quote this softness, "Alright, Jace. Cover your eyes. Which is sad, because they're so beautiful. But, really, close your forest eyes."_

_Zyikes:!!!!_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:wow_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:soft_

_toefungus:and he says to me 'uncover your eyes, beautiful'_

_toefungus:which_

_toefungus:i was already blushing hard at that and the comment from before, but then i saw what was on the screen_

_toefungus:it was a playlist_

_toefungus:called To My Lovely Boy_

_toefungus:sjksjsksjkskjsjskjskskjsjk_

_toefungus:i loVE JARED_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:wow jared you wooed my cousin_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:fuck you_

_CynaCon:lmao that was cute_

_Zyikes:that's too much love_

_Zyikes:that's too cute_

_Zyikes:stop it_

_Zyikes:really_

_Becky:boi made a WHOLE PLAYLIST for you_

_toefungus:it started with some of my favorite songs, then some of his, then really soft songs for sleepy vibes, then our songs, then_

_toefungus:oh my god_

_toefungus:i love jared so much_

_toefungus:he's swaying back and forth in the middle of the room to the love songs_

_toefungus:there are cute love songs_

_toefungus:like Gay Pirates by Cosmo Jarvis, Je T'aime by Kelly Sweet, I Do Adore by MINDY MY LOVE AAAAAA and some other cute love songs and i love jared kleinman_

_Becky:wow_

_Becky:i'm so soft_

_Becky:my goodness_

_beefyonce:i've kept quiet this whole time but i just wanna say_

_beefyonce: MARIA MY LOVE IS CLEARLY THE BEST_

_beefyonce:my teeth are really crooked and not good_

_beefyonce:so i had been brushing and flossing and mouth washing for a month and i was not seeing improvement_

_beefyonce:and i told MARIA MY LOVE this_

_beefyonce:she said, and i quote_

_beefyonce: she said, "Honey, your teeth are straighter than the republicans wish the world was and they are whiter than a Trump rally."_

_beefyonce:i love MARIA MY LOVE she's the best_

_CynaCon:since we're sharing stories_

_CynaCon:about why our lover is the best_

_CynaCon:evan is one of the reasons why I didn't commit suicide_

_beefyonce:THAT CAN'T COUNT_

_beefyonce:cause it's the same for jace and jared and my friend lucas and his boyfriend_

_beefyonce:so_

_beefyonce:invalid_

_CynaCon:bitch_

_CynaCon:fine_

_CynaCon:evan gives the best handjobs_

_beefyonce:AAAAAAAA_

_Becky:WOAH_

_Zyikes:NO_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:jsjskjskdjksjdkdjksjdkjksjd_

_MARIAtchi:excuse me_

_MARIAtchi:i beg to differ_

_beefyonce:MARIA MY LOVE gives the best handjobs_

_beefyonce:btdubs i'm trans_

_CynaCon:fuck is a 'btdubs'_

_beefyonce:thats what you focus on_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:i'm trans too!!!!_

_beefyonce:my dead name is evan, avoid it_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:!!!!mine is evalynne!!!!!!!!_

_beefyonce:!!!!!_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:!!!!!_

_Zyikes:wow who else_

_Becky:ME I'M TRANS_

_Becky:i had bottom surgery four years ago_

_Becky:jared actually makes me feel better in my dysphoric moods by saying i have a nice rack_

_Becky:my dead name is_

_Becky:any guesses?_

_CynaCon:Alan?_

_Becky:nope_

_beefyonce:michael_

_Becky:nope_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:david_

_Becky:fuck no_

_MARIAtchi:jacob_

_CynaCon:JAYLIN_

_Becky:no and no_

_CynaCon:zoe what is it_

_Zyikes:idk she never told me_

_Becky:never rly told anyone?_

_Becky:any final guesses?_

_Becky:3…_

_Becky:2…_

_toefungus:i heard my calling_

_toefungus:counting down menacingly_

_toefungus:what's happening_

_toefungus:oh Alana ur trans?_

_toefungus:jk i knew_

_toefungus:ur dead name is Keiton_

_Becky:fuck_

_Becky:how did you know??????_

_toefungus:we went to kindergarten together_

_Becky:FUCK_

_Becky:whomst_

_toefungus:amelie_

_Becky:FUCK_

_Becky:i had a big crush on you and i am not embarrassed_

_toefungus:bro what_

_JJStyle:you had a crush on my boyfriend??_

_Becky:evan had a crush on mine, i thought this was ok!_

_CynaCon:You had a crush on Zoe?_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:oh_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:I meant to tell you_

_CynaCon:but you didn't_

_CynaCon:why NOT_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:I didn't want to freak you out!_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:I didn't want you to think that I was only talking to you because of Zoe!_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:Because, like, I liked you! Even when I just thought you were only a friend and back when I didn't realize that you were everything I ever wanted! You're you!_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:I like you, Connor. I did like Zoe, once upon a time, but that was like the beginning of a fairy tale. And I want to end it with you._

_CynaCon:oh_

_Zyikes:ye oh bitch_

_CynaCon:MMMMMMM I FUCKED UP_

_Acorn420GrazeIt:not really?_

* * *

 

Jared isn't sure when it happens, but sooner or later, Jace has filled in a hole that he never knew was even there. He held hands with him, he kissed him, he defended him, he let him in.

 

And Jared was so happy.

 

He created poems and shit, made playlists, drew pictures, cooked.

 

He did everything for him.

 

Jared was irrational and stupid.

 

But he was with Jace, so his head was a little more clear.

* * *

 

Jace stood in the restaurant, waiting for Jared to show. He wore a really nice outfit, he thought so, at least.

 

Jared and Jace had been together for a few years now, both of them almost 27.

 

Okay, it was their ten year anniversary today. Jace didn't know why Jared was late since he was always right on time, but it had to be something big.

 

Jace watched as Jared pulled up, and stepped out, gleaming. His hair was swept back, and his jaw had gotten sharper over the years. He still had a nice ass, but like.

 

Yeah.

 

Jared walked up to Jace, and kissed him sweet and short. It wasn't a movie greeting kiss, but it was theirs. When they split, Jace was happy and glowing. They spoke in hushed tones, sweet things. When they enter, they get a table, sit, chat, order food, eat. Normal couple dinner stuff.

 

Until it's not.

 

Jared asks for the JJ Special, which is not something on the menu or on the specials board. The server just smiles and says that they'll bring it out in a moment.

 

It really does only take a moment.

 

The JJ Special is this platter of cupcakes, most of which are Jace's favorites. Jared picks up a white chocolate and red velvet cupcake, Jace's favorite. He takes it, and takes a bite. He continues to eat, being watched by Jared. He watches as Jared pulls something out of his pocket, and rises. As Jace eats the last of the cupcake, Jared motions for him to stand. The restaurant quiets, watching.

 

Jared gives a big speech, lovely and full of heart. Then, he gets down on one knee and opens the box. Inside is a ring with a big diamond, and a few other jewels next to it. Jace gasps, covering his mouth. He listens as Jared pops that pretty question, right then and there. There is no hesitation in his answer. Jared slips the ring onto hin finger, and then, they share a movie kiss. The entire restaurant explodes in applause.

* * *

 

Jared was irrational and stupid.

 

But he had a husband, so it was alright.

 

He was with Jace, the love of his life, til death do they part, and even then, they promised to love each other. For years, Jared had longed for love.

 

And finally, he had it.

 

Jared was irrational and stupid.

 

But, suddenly, he loved that. It helped him find Jace, his friends, and himself in the dark void that was his thoughts. Jared was ok with being irrational and stupid.

 

Cause sometimes, all you need in life is a little irrationality.

 

**_Fin._ **


End file.
